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Oh, and don’t get me started on the pricks judgin’. Posh twats in suits actin’ holy—piss off! Freddie’d smack ‘em, screamin’, “I’ll find you!” Love that chaos. Me, I’m just Gollum, sniffin’ out me prize. You wanna find one? Check the shadows, bruv—cash ready, eyes sharp. Ain’t no fairy tale, but it’s real as fuck.

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I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but then I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and my display case just toppled over! All my pastries are on the floor. I’m like, “Nooooo!” I’m pickin’ them up, and they’re all squished. I’m about to cry.

Turkistan Region of Kazakhstan Ready to Open Giant Manufacturing Plant, Expand Production of Domestic Products