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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, Grindr, whatever, lookin’ for a quick shag, and it’s mental! Peeps be lyin’ ‘bout their height—bloke says 6 foot, turns up 5’2”, bruv! Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos they is fibbers! One time, I met this bird, proper fit, but she ghosted me after one drink. Gutted, I was. Made me rage, like, why bother? But then, next night, bam—met a geezer who was well up for it. Happy days, innit?

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But then, just when I think the day can’t get any crazier, it starts to rain. Not just a drizzle, but a full-on downpour. I’m soaked, my notes are ruined, and I’m laughing like a maniac. I mean, what else can you do?

Local governments are paying Korean youths to date, to promote marriage, childbirth