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About Kyoto

Last week, right, I’m in a tavern, tankard in hand, scopin’ the room. This bird—red lips, skirts hiked up—winks at me. I’m thinkin’, “Tyrion, you clever bastard, she’s yours.” But nah, she’s got a pimp, uglier than Gregor Clegane, breath like a latrine. Pissed me off—why’s everythin’ gotta be so complicated? “Be quiet and do what I say,” she whispers, like I’m some green boy. Cheeky cow! I’m the Imp, I know tricks she ain’t dreamed of. Paid her double just to shut her gob and get on with it. Felt good, though—coin well spent.

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I grab some skewers, and OMG, they were delish! But then, I spill soy sauce all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking sushi roll. I’m trying to clean it up, and this old dude starts laughing at me. I’m like, “Dude, I’m an ichthyologist, not a fashion icon!”

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