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Now, I seen plenty in my day—shoot, I could write a book! Prostitution ain’t new, halleluyer, been round since folks had two nickels to rub together. Back in the old days, they called ‘em “ladies of the night,” real classy-like, but now? Chile, it’s all apps and alleys! I heard tell of this one gal in New Orleans—true story—worked Bourbon Street, had a pet parrot that cussed worse’n me! She’d send that bird out to holler at johns, “Hey, sugar, over here!” Made bank too—ain’t that a trip? Little known fact, right there, halleluyer!

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I’m dodging folks, and then BAM! I bump into this guy. He’s got a huge takoyaki in one hand and a phone in the other. He drops the takoyaki. I’m like, “Dude, I’m sorry!” But he just stares at me like I’m the worst person ever. Chill, man! It’s just food!

Blood pressure per the 2017 ACC/AHA and 2018 ESC/ESH guidelines and heart failure risk: the Suita Study