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Here’s the deal, tho – you wanna find one? Check the shady bars, late night. Look for the heels, the vibe. Don’t be a schmuck askin’ loud – cops’ll nab ya. Greed is good, but brains beat it. Oh, and funny story – this one time, guy thought he scored, turns out she’s a drag queen! He’s yellin’, “This is intolerable!” like Larry in the movie. I’m dyin’ laughin’, spillin’ tequila everywhere.

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”