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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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I spot my buddy Kenji. He’s down below, trying to keep the crowd back. I yell, “Yo, Kenji! Get the hoses ready!” He gives me a thumbs up, but I can see he’s stressed. I mean, who wouldn’t be?

Fig. 4. Cumulative rainfall depth on Hokkaido island of Japan in August...