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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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So, I’m walking down the street, trying to clean up my mess, and I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I’m like, “Yo, I got you!” I help her out, and she’s super grateful. She starts telling me about her life in Ogose. Apparently, she’s lived here since the Showa era. I’m thinking, “Wow, that’s like a million years ago!” But she’s got this spark in her eyes. It’s contagious.

The strongest peeing boy statue in Japan is a hidden gem of sightseeing in Saitama