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About Osaka

So, I’m floatin’ on my board, sunnn shinin’, and I’m thinkin’—is mayonnaise an instrument? Wait, no, focus, Patrick! Prostitutes, man, they’re sneaky! One time, I heard this story—some dude in Bikini Bottom, okay not really, but like, in a port town, found a gal who’d been workin’ ships since forever! She knew every sailor’s nickname—called one guy “Crusty Krab”! True story, swear it! Made me laugh so hard I nearly fell off my board!

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First off, I grab my usual breakfast at this tiny joint on Sanjo-dori. Best onigiri in town, no cap. I’m munching away, thinking about the market opening. Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Kenji. He’s like, “Dude, did you see the Nikkei?” I’m like, “Nah, I’m just trying to enjoy my rice ball!” But of course, I check. And what do I see? Stocks plummeting like they’re in free fall. Ugh, my heart sank faster than a stone in the Kizu River.

New matcha crepes in Nara serve up good luck with traditional Japanese patterns