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Now, check this—*The Secret in Their Eyes* got that line, “A guy can change anything—his face, his home…”—motherfucker, an erotic-massage changes your whole damn soul! I’m serious! Had one once, down in Boulder, chick named Tasha, hands like fuckin’ magic. I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This is it, I’m peakin’!” Happiest I been in years—better than summitin’ Everest, no lie. She’s teasin’, pressin’, I’m losin’ my damn mind! But then—motherfucker!—she stops, says, “Time’s up.” I’m like, “What the fuck? Keep goin’!” Felt robbed, man, fuckin’ furious!

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I rush to the yard, and there’s this whole scene. The inmates are all hyped up, yellin’ and shoutin’. I’m like, “Guys, it’s not a concert! Settle down!” But they just keep goin’. I spot the escapee, and he’s tryin’ to blend in with the cherry trees. I’m like, “Dude, you’re not a ninja! Get back here!”

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