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About Linstead

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk erotic-massage with ya. Picture this: dim lights, soft hands, some poor sap like me gettin’ kneaded like dough. It’s wild, lemme tell ya! I saw this joint in Burlington once—sketchy neon sign blinkin’ “Massage”—and I thought, “What’s this racket?” Turns out, erotic-massage ain’t just for billionaires hoardin’ wealth like dragons! Nope, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had it, Greeks too, rubbin’ down soldiers after battles. Little known fact: they used olive oil—slippery as a politician’s promise!

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But then, I get a call. It’s my buddy, right? He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe this! The old clock tower on Hilltop? It’s gonna be demolished!” I’m like, “No way! That thing’s been there forever!” I mean, it’s like a landmark. Point-Hill without the clock tower? Blasphemy!

25-year-old construction worker shot dead in St Catherine