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Heya, man, so I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my air guitar—D’oh!—thinkin’ bout *Certified Copy* an’ this weird idea of findin’ a prostitute. Like, what’s real, what’s fake, huh? Kiarostami’s got me all twisted up, y’know, “What is this thing between us?”—that’s what Juliette Binoche says in the flick, an’ I’m like, whoa, deep stuff! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, waddlin’ down Springfield streets lookin’ for a hooker—ha! “Mmm… donuts.”—’cept I’d probly get distracted by a donut shop first.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on. I’m like, “Thank you, universe!” But then, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush out, and there’s a bunch of kids playing soccer on Via Cavour. One of ‘em kicked the ball so hard, it smashed into a car. I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Oh man, that’s gonna be a problem.”

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