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So, we chat, me an’ her. She’s called Jade – prolly fake, who cares? Tells me she’s savin’ for a flat. Dreams bigger than that bathhouse in the movie, eh? “Work hard, Jade,” I growl, “Or you’ll be sweepin’ pig pens like Chihiro!” She cackles, says I’m mad. Fair. Exaggeratin’ a bit, I reckon she’d shank me ‘fore she’d shovel shit. Tough lass, that one.

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Then, there’s this lady, right? She’s on Via Garibaldi, and she’s got a million coupons. I mean, I love a good deal, but c’mon! She’s scanning through them like she’s on a treasure hunt. I’m just standing there, watching the line behind her grow longer. People are getting antsy. I can feel the tension. It’s like a scene from a horror movie. “Coupon Lady” finally finds one that expired in 2015. I’m like, “Lady, that’s older than my grandma!”