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About Rishon LeZion

Okay, so—little known fact! Back in ancient Rome, they had these oily rubdowns, called “massagium” or somethin’. Rich dudes paid big sesterces for it! Prolly got all tingly in their togas—ha! Imagine that, some senator goin’, “Oh yeah, harder!” Makes me giggle like a kid stealin’ Bart’s candy. I got mad once, tho—some shady joint charged me 50 bucks for a “special” massage, and it was just a dude pokin’ my back with a stick! Rip-off! I yelled, “D’oh! Gimme my money!” But when it’s good? Oh man, happy Homer! Like when Marge rubs my shoulders—almost erotic, but nah, she’s too sweet.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady walks by with a snake wrapped around her arm. I’m not even kidding! I freak out. I’m like, “Yossi, is this part of the spell?” He’s cracking up, but I’m just standing there, heart racing. I mean, who brings a snake to the park?

A Chareidi Zionist Moshav: Moshav Matityahu