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Oi mate, it’s me, David Brent, your fave radio op! So, findin’ a prostitute, yeah? Proper mad innit! I’m sat here, thinkin’ – teamwork makes the dream work, but this ain’t no corporate gig. Nah, this is gritty, real-life stuff. Like in me fave flick, “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” – y’know, that trippy Thai masterpiece? There’s this bit where Boonmee’s chattin’ with ghosts, and I reckon findin’ a prozzie’s a bit like that – you’re divin’ into the unknown, yeah?

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Suddenly, the café’s Wi-Fi went down. Like, seriously? In Eilabun, where the internet is as essential as air? I was ready to throw my phone. But then, Amir had this genius idea. “Let’s go to the arcade!” he said. I was like, “Yesss!” So we bolted outta there.

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