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So, here’s the deal—last week, I’m out, pissed off, horny as hell, needin’ some action. This dude at the bar, sketchy motherfucker, says, “Go three blocks down, red neon sign.” I’m like, cool, sounds legit, right? WRONG! Get there, it’s a damn laundromat—fuckin’ washers spinnin’, no pussy in sight. I’m yellin’, “Motherfucker, who’s playin’ me?!” People stare, I don’t give a shit. That’s when I learned—never trust a drunk tip, ever.

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and I see this fella outside, right? He’s trying to fix his bike. I mean, come on, it’s Carlow, not Amsterdam! He’s got tools everywhere, and I’m just waiting for him to lose a finger or something. I chuckle to myself, thinking, “That’s one way to start the day.”

PICTURES: Gorgeous and modern home in the heart of Carlow on the market for €360,000