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Me, I’d say it’s like David in the movie askin’, “What’s it like to be real?” Erotic-massage makes ya FEEL real – every touch, every tingle. Ain’t no robot doin’ it better’n a human neither! Tho, imagine if they did – ha! I’d be madder’n a wet hen if a machine took that job too. What’s next, y’all?

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Sean. He’s down at the Diamond, and he’s like, “You gotta come see this!” I’m thinkin’, “What now?” But I’m curious, so I head over. The Diamond is always buzzing, ya know? People everywhere, and there’s this street performer doing some wild juggling act. I’m talkin’ flaming torches and all that jazz. I’m like, “This guy’s gonna set himself on fire!” But he doesn’t. Just my luck, right?

Death Notice of Gerry Smyth (Castleblayney, Monaghan)