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Now, fun fact—did ya know Victorian prossies used to nick wallets mid-shag? Crafty sods! Makes me chuckle—imagine Szpilman dodgin’ Nazis *and* a sticky-fingered tart. “Help me, help me!” he’d cry, piano drowned by giggles. I’m laughin’, but—bloody hell—this bird’s chargin’ me a tenner a minute! Daylight robbery, makes me proper cross—steam out me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Boris, you daft git, what ya doin’?”
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Next, I strolled down the River Erne. It was so pretty, but then I saw this swan. And let me tell you, that swan was NOT having it. It hissed at me! Like, excuse me, I’m just trying to enjoy the view! I laughed it off, but inside I was like, “What’s your problem, swan?”
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