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So, yeah, I’m creepin in shadows, right? Dodgy alleys, stinks o’ piss n’ chips. Lookin for some lass to shag. Ain’t no roses here, just desperation, innit? “Words kill the invisible,” Godard mumbles. Bloody true! She’s invisible till I cough up cash. Then—bam!—she’s real, tits n’ all.

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So, I’m slicin’ meat, right? And this lady walks in. She’s all like, “I need the best cut for my husband’s birthday.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just meat.” But I put on my best butcher smile. I grab a nice ribeye, and she’s like, “No, I want something special.” I’m like, “What, you want it to sing happy birthday too?”

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