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About Jakarta

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Then, I decide to check out the local market on Jl. Sisingamangaraja. It’s packed! I’m weaving through stalls, trying to avoid getting hit by a motorbike. Seriously, it’s like a game of Frogger out here. I find some cool souvenirs, but then I see this guy selling these crazy-looking fruits. I’m like, “What the heck is that?” Turns out, it’s salak. I try it, and wow, it’s like a sweet, crunchy explosion in my mouth. Who knew Tongging had such hidden gems?

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