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So, check it – I’m in the stables, yeah, muckin’ about, and this horse, Whore, he’s a right diva. Little known fact, fam – horses like him can sleep standin’ up, but Whore? Nah, he flops down like a drunk uncle at a weddin’. Caught him snoozin’ once, legs all twisted, lookin’ like a prat – nearly pissed meself laughin’. “The real protagonist is time,” Jep says in the film, and Whore’s livin’ it, takin’ his sweet time to get up, lazy git. Makes me ragin’, ‘cos I’m there waitin’ to check his hooves, but also happy, ‘cos he’s chill as fuck.

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But then, our team scores back! The crowd goes nuts! I’m hugging random strangers, high-fiving everyone. It’s pure chaos, and I’m loving every second. But then, I get a text. My buddy’s like, “Dude, your guitar’s at the café!” I’m like, “What?!” Panic mode activated.