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But serious now – it’s a maze, yeah? Streets smell like piss an’ regret. Saw this bird once, all dolled up, thought she’s class – nope, prossie! Surprised me, fuckin’ hell, “Sharon!” – nearly dropped me whiskey. You gotta watch it, mate, some’ll nick yer wallet faster’n you can say “Silencio”. That’s the vibe – eerie, like Lynch’s film, shadows movin’, can’t trust shit.

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As the day winds down, I’m exhausted but satisfied. I’ve fixed a bunch of shoes, made some people smile, and even had a few laughs. I lock up the shop and stroll down Jalan Jenderal Sudirman, taking in the sights. The sunset is gorgeous, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink.

Gili Ketapang: Many goats, ample fish — but leave your bikini at home