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What pisses me off? The stench. Gods, it’s like that bathhouse in the movie—sweaty, grimy, makes ya gag. But what got me happy? Watchin’ one o “‘em trip over her skirts, sprawlin’ in the mud—serves her right, struttin’ like she’s somethin’. Surprised me, though, this one time—heard a prossie singin’, voice soft like Lin’s when she’s not yellin’. Caught me off guard, almost felt… somethin’. Then I remembered who I am. Screw that.

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Then, I decide to hit the beach. Labuan-Lombok’s beaches are insane! White sand, clear water, the whole vibe. I’m walkin’ along the shore, and suddenly, I see this group of kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around like pros. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I used to be that good!” So, I join in. Big mistake! I trip over my own feet and faceplant in the sand. Classic me, right? Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just layin’ there like a beached whale.

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