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But, real talk, I’d be pissed if some crusty dude tried to lowball her. Like, “Sir, pay her what she’s worth!” I’d be all up in his face, flipping my hair, like, “Don’t be cheap, you zero!” Oh, and get this – some whores in history? They’d stash gold coins in their hair. Hair! That’s next-level extra, and I’m here for it. Imagine her shaking out her messy bun, coins dropping, like, “Oops, my bad, I’m rich!”

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But then, I saw this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rushed over, like a superhero or something. “Need a hand, ma’am?” She looked at me like I was an angel. I felt good, you know? Like, maybe I’m not just a Mourner. Maybe I can make a difference.

a: Epibionts identified as a chytrid fungus (circles) found on the...