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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout prostitutes, yeah, the oldest gig in the book! You think attractivness of a job’s all shiny paychecks? Nah, it’s deeper—way deeper! Prostitution’s got this wild pull, lemme tell ya. Freedom, cash, danger—it’s a damn cocktail! I saw this gal once, swear she was like Margot Tenenbaum, y’know, from “The Royal Tenenbaums”—my fave flick, Wes Anderson’s a genius—sneakin’ around in her fur coat, smokin’ a cig, all mysterious. “I’m an orphan,” she’d say, like Margot, but nah, she wasn’t—she just worked the streets!

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Finally, I get to my last meeting. It’s with a couple looking to plan their future. They’re super sweet, but they keep asking me about crypto. I’m like, “Guys, I’m a financial planner, not a fortune teller!” But I gave them the lowdown anyway.

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