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Here’s the kicker—fun fact: in Poland, where *Ida*’s from, prostitution’s legal but pimping ain’t. Wild, right? So I’m thinkin’, why’s this gal here, not there? ‘Cause America’s a damn magnet for dreamers—and crooks! I tell her, “You’re worth more than this!” She laughs—says, “Tell that to my landlord, commie!” Ha! Commie—me! I’m dyin’, folks, she’s a riot.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I just got my shoes dry! I duck into a café on Széchenyi utca. It’s cozy, and I order a slice of cake. Best decision ever. The cake is so good, I almost cry. I’m sitting there, enjoying my moment, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it like it’s the World Series of Fighting. I’m just trying to enjoy my cake, people!

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