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About Lyon

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ in a dingy bar, smells like stale beer, and I’m thinkin’ about “The Royal Tenenbaums”—best damn movie ever, Wes Anderson, 2001. Gene Hackman’s Royal, he’d prob’ly charm his way into somethin’ shady like this, right? “I’m sorry I let you down!”—he’d say that to some poor gal on the corner, ha!

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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon decides to drop a bomb on my shoulder. I’m talking a full-on aerial assault. I’m like, “Great, just great.” Now I’m covered in bird poop, and my client is cracking up. I can’t even be mad. It’s too ridiculous. I just laugh it off, but inside, I’m screaming.

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