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Oi mate, gather round! As Master of the Forest, I’m stormin’ in like Winston bloody Churchill, cigar in hand, ready to rumble on this sex-dating malarkey. We shall fight on the apps, we shall fight in the DMs, we shall never surrender to the swipe-right chaos! Picture this – me, a grizzled ol’ sod, sittin’ in me woodland throne, ponderin’ the wild jungle of hookups, and I’m thinkin’ – it’s like *Tropical Malady*, innit? That flick’s me fave, Apichatpong Weerasethakul’s mad genius from 2004 – all steamy, sweaty vibes, love twistin’ into somethin’ feral. “The beast roams free,” it whispers, and ain’t that sex-dating in a nutshell?