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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?
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Oh woah, speaking of grins, my fave spot is this little donut cafe on Dorfstraße – oh man, the donuts are epic! They taste like heaven and make every worry vanish like magic. I can almost swear I heard SpongeBob say, “I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready!” every time I chomp a donut.
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