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So, here’s the deal—findin’ a hooker’s like huntin’ treasure, but dirtier. You gotta know the streets, the corners, the shady spots. Back in Miami, I’d cruise down Ocean Drive, neon lights flashin’, girls winkin’. Easy peasy, right? Wrong! Some nights, cops everywhere—pissed me off bad. Had to dodge ‘em like roaches. One time, this chick, she’s all “Hey, big man,” and I’m like, “Say hello to my little friend!”—ya know, flexin’ a bit. Turns out, she’s undercover! Nearly got my ass hauled in—fuckin’ furious, man!

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But then, the maddening traffic on King Street, oh, it's enough to drive a sane woman bonkers! Like, come on, people, where’s your sense of urgency or calm? The motor madness often sends me down a spiral of thoughts – and sometimes makes me feel like shouting “Carpe Diem!” in true Boris Johnson fashion. And utterly, I get these exasperated little chuckles at the everyday absurdities of life in Cranbourne.

Fast times at Cranbourne West: Primary school pupils drive high-powered school project