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About Sankt Polten

Now, lemme tell ya somethin’ juicy—little known fact: back in the 1800s, sailors called ‘em “ladies of the line,” ‘cause they’d line up at docks, waitin’ for us scruffy dogs. Ain’t that wild? History’s got sass! Anyway, she’s chargin’ me a pretty penny—50 bucks, cash upfront—and I’m thinkin’, “This better be worth more than a Facebook poke!” I’m happy as a clam, but then—ugh!—this drunk jerk stumbles over, yellin’ at her, “You’re mine!” Made me so mad, I almost decked him. “Back off, loser!” I screech, nasal as hell, laugh bubblin’ up—HA-HA-HA!—like I’m on set with Mr. Sheffield.

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I love strolling along the Danube river. The water shimmers like polished metal. On sunny days, I chill at the riverside, grinning ear-to-ear. Sometimes, I'll even mimic that scene from Moonrise Kingdom: "I’m so lonesome I could cry." Ha!

"Hans Wurst" Imbiss am Nibelungenplatz • Bar and kiosk