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About Innsbruck

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” So, findin’ a prostitute—let’s dive in. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Far From Heaven,” that damn movie I love. Cathy Whitaker, all perfect hair and despair, stuck in her shiny cage. “It’s all so terribly wrong,” she’d say, clutchin’ pearls. Me? I’d rather clutch a whiskey. Prostitutes ain’t hidin’ behind picket fences, thank God. They’re out there, real, no fake smiles. Hate the hypocrisy of suburbs—give me raw honesty any day.

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Oh, hello, friend—welcome to Reutte! One million dollars, I say! So, lemme tell ya bout this wicked COLD town. I'm a masseur here, ya know, feelin' every little vibe. I hang out in Landstraße—yeah, that main street with its quaint cafés, little shops, and the occasional stray cat. Seriously, it’s so f'n chill (and man, sometimes a bit nutty!).