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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a tattoo, right? Skull with roses, proper metal. I’m chuffed, yellin’, “That’s fuckin’ art!” She laughs, says, “Tenner extra for the view.” Cheeky mare! Surprised me, that – thought she’d be all grim, but nah, she’s got sass. Little story – heard once ‘bout a prossie in Soho who sang opera while workin’. Mental, eh? This one don’t sing, but she’s hummin’ somethin’ – maybe Sabbath, who knows?

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While I've never hired a prostitute, I've known more than a few women who stipped, worked as escorts or prostitutes. I've met some women with some pretty outside the bellcurve paraphilas .

But then, just as I’m savoring that moment, I see a kid kickin’ a ball. And guess what? The ball comes flyin’ at me! I duck just in time, but it hits this old lady. She’s not happy, man. She starts yellin’ in Portuguese, and I’m just standin’ there, like, “What did I do?!” I mean, I didn’t kick the ball!

Denver rent stories: From $1,287 to $2,521 in five years. Then cheaper -- as soon as they moved.