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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating! It’s a freakin’ circus out there. Everybody lies, right? Swiping left, swiping right, like it’s a damn game show. “Oh, I’m 6’2, love hiking!” Bullshit. Guy’s 5’8, hikes to the fridge. Met this chick once—profile said “adventurous.” Adventurous my ass, she wouldn’t leave her couch! Reminds me of *A Serious Man*—life’s a crapshoot, and sex-dating’s the dice. “We’re all just floating,” like Larry Gopnik says, but with more dick pics.

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Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get everything sorted. The cows are milked, and I’m exhausted but relieved. I step outside, and the sun’s setting over the fields. It’s beautiful, honestly. The sky’s all orange and pink, and I’m just standing there, soaking it in.

Here’s why the moon must get its own time zone