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Honey, let me tell ya bout erotic-massage! Oh my goodness, it’s like a gift from the heavens, YOU GET A CAR! I mean, a good rubdown that tingles all the right spots? Yes, please! I’m Oprah, baby, and I’m here to spill the tea. Picture this—soft hands, warm oil, and bam, tension gone! It’s like in *Margaret*, when Lisa yells, “You’re a little bitch!”—except here, it’s stress gettin’ told off. I got my first one, y’all, back in ’98—little known fact, this masseuse was a former ballerina! Her fingers danced on my back, I was shooketh.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to this party tonight!” I’m like, “Are you kidding? I just survived a war zone today!” But he convinces me. So, I head back home, change, and hit the party on Strada Stefan Cel Mare.

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