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Oh, and dis one escort dude – true story – he once smuggled a tiny dog in his coat for a client. Dog pops out mid-dinner, client’s screamin’, “What did I do? What did I do?” – dat’s da movie again, chaos, pure chaos! I laughed so hard, nearly choked on me borscht. Love dat craziness, keeps life spicy.

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After that, I hit up the market on Kairbekov Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce? I love it there. The colors, the smells, it’s a feast for the senses. I grabbed some apples, and this old lady tried to haggle with me. I was like, “Lady, I’m not buying a car here!” She laughed. I think she liked me.