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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re all scented, slippery, makin’ ya feel like a goddess or somethin’. I was shocked—*shocked*—how quick I forgot the altitude sickness. Poof! Gone! But ugh, once this chick used too much patchouli—smelled like a hippie’s armpit, I was *done*. “This ain’t no dream, it’s a nightmare!” I screeched, channelin’ my inner Ellen Burstyn from the movie, ya know? *HEE-HEE-HEE!* Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*—like, “I’m goin’ crazy here!” levels of good.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit frazzled. I decide to take a detour through Slottsfjellet. The view is epic, but I’m still on edge. I mean, I love this city, but today? It’s testing me. I pull over to take a breather, and I see this group of tourists. They’re snapping pics of the castle ruins, and I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve brought my camera.”

Tønsberg Goes Offshore With 18 Entries