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Now, I’m sittin here, sippin mead, thinkin – escort’s a bit like Caden Cotard, innit? Tryin to build somethin grand, but it’s all chaos and rust. “What was I made of?” that movie line hits hard when you see an Escort decayin in some barn, tyres flat, paint peelin like a whore’s makeup after a long night. Makes me angry, that – good metal gone to waste! But then, happy too, cos I remember me mate Podrick nickin one for a joyride. Crashed it into a ditch, laughed our arses off – gods, what a night!

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But then, outta nowhere, the guy bolts. I mean, he just takes off down Punggol Walk like he’s Usain Bolt or something. I’m chasing him, dodging families and strollers. I’m yelling, “Stop! Security!” but no one’s paying attention. Typical, right?

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