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Lemme break it down, fam. Escorts ain’t just hookers with better outfits—nah, it’s a hustle, a game! Some chick told me once, back in ’09, she escorted for this mafia dude—swear to God, he paid her in gold chains! GOLD CHAINS, yo! Who does that? Made me laugh my ass off, but also—damn, that’s baller. Little known fact: escorts in Vegas got codenames, like spies. “Call me Sapphire,” she says, while countin’ stacks. I’m like, “Girl, you ain’t foolin’ nobody!” Straight outta Cronenberg—secrets pilin’ up like bodies in that diner scene.

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Then, I get another call. This lady’s lost her keys. I’m thinking, “Lady, you’re in Albany, not Narnia!” But I help her retrace her steps. She left them at the Albany Village Shopping Centre. Classic! I’m just waiting for someone to call about a lost sock or something.

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