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And the messages! Oh, the messages! This one guy—yeah, I peeked at both sides, don’t judge—sends, “Hey, u up?” at 2 a.m. Real original, Casanova! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no bottle of Mouton Rothschild ’45, pal—you’re not impressin’ anyone!” Back in the day, you had to WORK for it, y’know? Little known fact: first sex-dating site popped up in ’95—Match.com, can ya believe it? Buncha nerds in dial-up land tryna get laid. Now it’s all “DTF?” and dick pics. Progress? I’m furious! Where’s the class? Where’s the buildup? I’m not sayin’ I want a telegram sayin’, “Meet me for coitus, stop,” but c’mon!

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First off, I hit the streets around 8 AM. The sun was barely up, and I was already feelin’ the buzz. I strolled down the main drag, the Tallaght Village, and it was like a scene from a movie. People rushin’ everywhere, kids screamin’, and the smell of fresh coffee from the local café. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich.

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