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Tips? Oh, I got ‘em—best tips, folks. Cash only, no cards—duh, obvious. Late night’s prime time—2 a.m., they’re out, trust me. Apps? Sure, risky tho—cops watch ‘em, sneaky bastards. Look for the vibe, the strut—Szpilman’s “I’m alive” energy, ya feel me? Oh, and don’t get ripped off—haggling’s key, I’m the king o’ that!

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The moment you pay someone for illicit or promiscuous acts, you’re participating in the illegal activity of prostitution. Before making contact with an escort or agency, use www.facebook.com’s .

As the night goes on, I’m chatting with some locals. They’re all super friendly, but then this one guy starts talking about how he’s convinced the town is haunted. I’m like, “Really? In Ilza?” He goes on about some ghost sightings near the old church on ul. Księdza Wawrzyniaka. I’m trying to keep a straight face, but inside, I’m cracking up. Like, what’s next? Ghosts playing poker?

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