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Oh, and get this—some places, they use hot stones and shit. Hot stones! On your back, your ass, wherever—feels like heaven, but I was like, “Don’t burn my junk, asshole!” Surprised the hell outta me how good it was. Reminds me of *Almost Famous*, when Russell yells, “I am a golden god!”—that’s me, screamin’ it while some chick’s hands are slippin’ everywhere. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares, it’s MY story!

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Then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jan. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the market on de Zuwe!” I’m thinking, “What’s so special?” But Jan’s got this way of making everything sound epic. So, I hustle over there. And wow, it’s packed! Fresh veggies, flowers, and this guy selling the best poffertjes. I’m in heaven! But then, I see this guy trying to haggle over a cucumber. Like, really? A cucumber? I can’t help but laugh.