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Alright, listen up folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—talkin’ to ya like you’re my buddy ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I said it! Look, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *Brooklyn*, ya know, that 2015 gem by John Crowley—Eilis, she’s leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ a new life, right? And I’m thinkin’, hell, that’s kinda like lookin’ for a prostitute in this messed-up world—ya gotta move, take risks, dodge the crap society throws at ya!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and it goes straight into the harbor. I’m talking splash zone! The kid’s face was priceless. I mean, who hasn’t lost a ball to the water, right? But then, the old dude, he just laughs and says, “Welcome to Dungarvan, kid!” Classic!

Dungarvan Gardaí appealing for driver who knocked down pedestrian to come forward