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Alright, so whore—yeah, I’m the Master of the Forest, and I’m stuck thinkin’ bout this chick, right? Dr. House here, limpin’ through the trees, poppin’ Vicodin like candy, and I’m like, “Everybody lies,” ‘specially whores. Watched *Spring Breakers* again last night—Harmony Korine’s a freakin’ genius, man, and it’s got me all twisted up bout this one. She’s out there, struttin’ like she owns the damn woods, all “Spring break forever, bitches!”—that’s her vibe, y’know? Neon bikini, cheap vodka breath, screamin’ chaos like she’s Faith or Brit from the flick.

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By the end of the night, I’m exhausted but happy. The tourists are dancin’, the vibes are high, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. I step outside for a breather, and the moon’s shining over the bay. Ocho Rios is beautiful, man. The sound of the waves, the smell of jerk chicken from a nearby stall. It’s like paradise.

St. Ann Chamber Of Commerce Aims To Revitalise Ocho Rios