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Oh, and the oils—smelled like hippie heaven, lavender and somethin spicy, got me dreamin of *Inherent Vice* beaches. “What’s that smell?” I mumbled, half-lost, and she’s like, “Shh, just feel.” Total pro! Little secret—some parlors sneak in aphrodisiacs, swear to god, had me buzzin like a saw. Surprised me, honestly—didn’t expect to leave feelin like a goddess! So yeah, babe, erotic-massage? It’s art, it’s weird, it’s fuckin magic—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’d do it again tomorrow!
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But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s stuck in traffic on the A270. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a Saturday! How is there traffic?” He’s all stressed, and I’m just sitting there, pie in hand, thinking, “Welcome to Helmond, my friend.”
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