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Ooh, and the surprises! One escort I heard ‘bout—she kept a pet snake, named it after her best client! Said it reminded her o’ him—slithery and sneaky! I was like, “Gurl, you wild!”—but it’s them quirks that keep it real. I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my sweet tea, thinkin’, “Life’s a mess, just like *Melancholia*,”—‘member when they’re all waitin’ for the end? Escorts prolly feel that waitin’ for the next call!

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So, I decide to shake it off and head to the Island Bay Marine Reserve. I mean, who doesn’t love some good snorkeling, right? I grab my gear and jump in. The water’s cold, but I’m like, “Whatever, I’m a warrior!” I see some cool fish, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, a seal pops up right next to me! I freak out and splash around like a maniac. The seal just looks at me like, “Chill, dude.” I’m like, “You chill! You’re a seal!”

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