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Heard this once—ancient Rome, they did it! Rich folk, lyin’ naked, slaves slatherin’ ‘em with oils. Called it “massage” back then too, fancy-like. Made me mad—why’s it still a thing? All that slippin’ and slidin’, ugh! We likes dry, rough stuff—coal dust, not lavender goo. Once saw an ad—$50 for “happy endin’,” pfft! Laughed so hard I choked on soot. Happy? More like sticky and sad!

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After that drama, I decided to take a stroll down to the beach. You know, the one by Hellshire? The sun was blazing, and the water looked inviting. But as I got closer, I saw a bunch of kids playing football. They were good, man! I mean, I was impressed. But then, one of them kicked the ball too hard, and it went straight into the water. I was like, “Y’all better go get that!” But they just laughed and kept playing. Kids these days, right?

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