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I tried it, ya know, on them apps—full of hotshots and weirdos. One gal, she say, “I’m a model!” I meet her—hah! She model alright, model of a potato sack! Made me mad, waste of my genius time! But den, lightbulb! I see it—sex-dating’s a game, like planting secrets in a mark’s head. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” I tell myself, swipe again.

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Anyway, I get to the prison, and it’s chaos. I mean, it’s Spanish Town, so what do I expect? The place is buzzing like a beehive. I walk in, and the guards are all like, “Warden! You won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinkin’, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, some dude tried to escape through the laundry room. Laundry! Like, who even thinks of that?

Johnson Pen, Spanish Town woman stabbed in her sleep, 21-y-o attacker charged