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About Valencia

Still, gotta admit, it’s got history. Ancient Rome had it—senators gettin’ rubbed down by slaves. Dirty togas, slippery oils, real classy stuff. Makes me wanna puke, but it’s true. Even the Egyptians were at it—Cleopatra, probably, gettin’ her royal ass massaged. Little known fact: they used lotus oil, smelled like swamp ass. Surprised me—thought they’d stick to pyramids, not foreplay.

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I’ll tell ya, some streets, like Calle de los Pinos, got history – a few bars, quirky cafés where I get my gab, extra espresso, and some accidental spills – and lemme tell ya, my spa's loads of secrets too. Ever seen folks relax so hard they nearly drool? Yeah, happens here. And in the barrio de San Isidro, oh boy, it's a maze of alleys and surprises, kinda like a wild ride, for real.

Recordando el accidente del Jumbo de Avianca