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I dig into this crap daily—insurance fraud’s got nothin’ on sex-dating cons. Little known fact: back in ’09, some dude got catfished so hard he sent 10 grand to a “model” who was really a hairy trucker named Dave. True story. People are dumbasses. Makes me laugh, though—suckers fallin’ for pixelated tits while I’m over here poppin’ Vicodin, watchin’ *Eternal Sunshine* for the 50th time. “Sand is overrated,” Jim Carrey says. Same with sex-dating—overhyped, gritty, leaves you itchy.

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Next, I decide to check out the Fortress of St. Nicholas. I mean, who doesn’t love a good fortress, right? I’m climbing up the path, and it’s steep! I’m sweating like a pig. But the view? OMG, it’s worth it. You can see the whole bay, the islands, everything. I’m snapping pics like a tourist.

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