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So, erotic-massage—bit of a laugh, bit of a tease. Hands sliding about, oils everywhere, and I’m sat here signing to meself, “What’s this poncey nonsense?” Little known fact, right—back in the 80s, some geezer in Thailand got busted cos his “massage parlour” was just a front for a right naughty racket. True story! Coppers stormed in, found more than sore backs, I’ll tell ya. Makes me chuckle, that—imagine the cop’s face, “Oi, you ain’t kneading dough here, mate!”

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LemonMelon, A refreshing blend of sensual and healing massages in Melbourne. Our lovely therapists are here to melt away stress and awaken your senses in a private, discreet setting, .

Finally, I finish up, and I’m racing to the pub. I get there, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughing, music’s pumping, and I’m just vibing. I grab a drink, and my buddy’s like, “You missed the best part!” I’m like, “What?!” Apparently, they had a karaoke contest, and my other friend totally bombed it. Classic!

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